Of course. Here is the English transcription of the interview with Crissy, based on the excerpts provided in your sources.



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**Interviewer**: so Christy tell tell me about uh I guess we should start with your childhood right? let's let's hear like how did your life start what were your earliest memories?



**Crissy**: um well um my earliest memories were when I was four years old and I lived with my mom and my dad and my little brother. um and I remember feeling like our family was like you know it was like a safe place it was perfect and I mean I didn't really have anything to compare it to but I was I was happy I remember being happy. um and um but there was also other things going on in my life that um kind of you know things changed my dad um he like to preach like even if he didn't have church he's still preaching. um so he raised us um you know with the Bible and teaching us the Bible and we went to church. um and my mom singing the choir and so it was kind of what our life was like you know when I was 4 years old. um but then there was a side of my dad that was that was abusive. um he never abused me physically or my well he did actually he did it he did it with my brother but.



**Crissy**: um also um you know it was confusing because he he preaches and teaches this one thing and then he you know does you know just some behaviors that contradict yes exactly who he is. yeah so um you know and one of the things he would tell me is that and I mean I was only 4 years old he said um he would say if anybody ever touches you let me know and I'll kill them nobody's going to touch my daughter you know he would go off on this tangent and at four years old I I didn't know what that meant um but it scared me. so sure um when I was 4 years old was also the first time I was um molested by a neighbor and I didn't tell anybody because thinking that my dad's going to kill somebody is terrifying for a kid. yeah it wasn't like a safe place to go and talk it talk it out so I didn't tell anybody. um around the age what was it like 11 is um my parents uh we we moved around a lot but we were living um in a in this house um and we had we moved in with another person because he was he was Ill so we moved in with him.



**Interviewer**: and where where did you grow up? what where did you grow up?



**Crissy**: oh I grew up in Jacksonville Florida Florida mhm. so anyway so we moved to this new place my dad started drinking I mean if he was drinking before age 11 I didn't really know. um he did go out a lot but during this time I remember coming home and he and his friend were like working on the car outside and I saw a beer and I remember it scared me I I don't know why but I was like oh that's wrong and it scared me. um but then cuz I started noticing my dad's Behavior being different and he's being more um fighting with my mom more and stuff like that and um I don't know it just kind of really scared me. um but also with during that time he had a lot of friends that he would bring or that would come in to our home or um we had neighbors that we would go over their house and they had a bonfire going so and all of them drink beer so that I was exposed to a lot of drunk men and my dad and.



**Crissy**: um I don't know it let me see I noticed during that time in my life that men were looking at me these drunk men that were adults were looking at me in a different kind of way and I guess because I was you know getting older and um a lot of times they would tell me I'm pretty or you know it was just they were kind of weird and and so I picked up on that. um they also did it with did that to my mom and um my mom was so beautiful and young and my dad um his friends would hit on her and then he would get mad and he would take it out on her so it was very um unhealthy relationship. and also um whenever my dad um would they we would have a bonfire I remember one time in particular he was drunk he got on the fire cuz he did stuff like that he's like my daughter is the Virgin something like she I don't know I don't even know exactly what he said but he was talking to me being a virgin and he did that quite often my mom would always make him shut up but this particular time I don't even think she was around but it was so embarrassing. I didn't really understand it and at the same time we we had um there was this little this boy that was his his um my Dad's friend his son was molesting me during this time all the time I would have to fight him off or kick him you know really hard um to get away from him my brother my little brother he's two years younger than me he would do the same thing he would bite him off of me. but um I mean this kid he knew a lot about sex and his dad was abusive very physically abusive cuz I saw saw it um and um so I didn't want to tell on him because I I knew that he would get beat so I didn't and but he was just it was we lived there for maybe a year and I was how long I had to deal with that. um but then also like in school like I don't know why but these kids are always were drawn to me and when things like that would happen I freeze so I had um even in like first grade I had a a kid throw me on the ground try to like I don't know what he wasn't having sex with me but we had our clothes on but it was just how do kids even know that that kind of stuff I don't know.



**Crissy**: um so I kind of grew up with that and the secret that I couldn't really tell anybody and I felt I felt like I was doing something something wrong I felt dirty I felt embarrassed I felt ashamed felt angry. um and so that happened throughout my childhood um then in my teen years my parents had split split up and my dad um took us away from our m mom and we moved to a different city he kind of basically kidnapped us. um and it took a few days and then he let me let us call my mom.



**Interviewer**: so your dad what do you mean your dad kidnapped you?



**Crissy**: he just basically yeah my dad and my mom had a really bad fight my dad was jealous because my mom left the Christmas party with his friend um to get dropped off at our home and he went off the deep end and um you you know this is back when kids could stay home alone they were sleeping and um they came home fighting and it was the scariest fight I think I've ever heard. um at that point they would fight a lot actually during this time you know that night my Mom finally got um well when they would fight she would take me and my brother and leave the house and go to go to my grandma's um but this time he threatened to kill her if she if she took us so um so she left without us which was the first time that ever happened she always protect us. um and then my dad he he gave us each a trash bag and said put whatever you want want to take in the back and we didn't know where we were going. um but we did that we threw in the back of the truck and and he drove us away to new city um basically kind of kidnapping us we couldn't call our mom for a few days. um but eventually we did. biggest dream in life I didn't have like a certain career I just wanted to get married and have a baby. when I was 17 I um really started having like a serious boyfriend I thought this was my going to be my husband so he got me pregnant. I didn't care if I didn't finish High School I was going to I don't know I just had this like I guess kind of like a fairy tale like expectations but he said he wasn't going to marry me and I ended up not being able to have the baby I ended up going to the clinic and having an abortion. I already had so much trauma in my life that this was just like the worst thing that could ever happen that pushed me over the edge. when I started High School my senior year I didn't care about anything I was more rebellious than I was severely depressed I had zero drive and I almost didn't graduate high school. I just started like living with a couple roommates and then I had a boyfriend very unhealthy relationship we lived together for a little while and then we broke up then I had to move back home and then I lived with somebody else and then broke up and then I had to move back home again. and I would go on dating websites email people and um try to find somebody to marry me basically cuz I wanted to get married that was my biggest dream my mission was to find my husband. and I would go to different states to meet people that wasn't a good idea I was raped I was ruied I was all kinds of really bad things you know I would tell tell my mom about it um she was like I don't think that's a good idea Christina I'm going to do it anyway but what in my heart like what I really wanted to hear was I love you and I want I want you to be safe and I don't think it's a good idea you know I wanted to hear that but I just heard that it wasn't a good idea so I'm just like nobody nobody cares so I very careless and all these bad things happened and I didn't find my husband. anyway I liked this guy and I met him actually um at a bar where he was playing pool and we moved in together and lived together for about a year. um I got engaged to him um but there was a problem in that he wasn't able to express his emotions he wasn't able to say I love you. there was some weird things happening with ex-girlfriends of his coming to our home and stuff so I broke up with him and then I moved back home again. I ended up meeting somebody else right away but I didn't move in with him he broke up with me it was like a rock bottom you know I had a lot of rock bottoms and this was like one of them and I was devastated I really liked this guy and I don't know why I don't know why I really liked him but I did and so I got back on the internet started trying to meet people again. and I had a really good job and I made decent money um and I was only going up because I was about I was one of the people in this office that was up for office manager and it was a big office and a lot of people in there and um I kind of screwed it up because I kept getting online and um and then people started emailing me about doing well I found a model website and the people who were posting on it weren't models you know they were just regular people. um I'm not saying they're not attractive but not like the typical like magazine fashion models and so I was like hm if they're getting work I wonder if I could try that and see what happens and I just I didn't think I would ever have anybody want to hire me but immediately after I put my portfolio up there I had people um sending me emails to um do porn. and I I was I don't know it it wasn't flattering to me because when I thought of porn that was like to me at the time and I did all the guys I live um had lived with up to that point watched porn while we lived together um and I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling like I had to compete with anybody um to to get loved to earn love from the person and so I felt like there was a standard I could never live up to so that was really hard for me and um so when people were emailing me asking me did do it I was like no I'm not going to why would I do that I'm like I'll model in a bathing suit but that's it. um but then you know when this breakup happened it's something I couldn't get out of bed to go to work I almost lost my job. um but I didn't really have I didn't really care about my life anymore. um so so yeah so I started um so it took a little while I ended up meeting um a photographer um that shot Playboy models and this was different than porn because the girls are really beautiful they're airbrushed um you you know they're showing stuff but they're not like you know they not showing everything so I was thinking hm I wonder he's like I want to submit you for Playboy and I was like oh he thinks I can do that so that was flattering to me that made me feel like I was worth something and you know all these other people don't see me as anything but this person who shoots these kind of girls he wants to shoot me and so I gave in and so that was my first shoot. I went um I met him at a hotel um I I don't know I was so brave I guess I wasn't really Brave I just didn't care and so I was like well if something happens who cares if something happens to me I'll be out of this world and I was so like my life was very sad. um so I went there um the first night that we were there we out some photos um in the room he had told me to bring lingerie so I brought that and so the I remember the first um shot the first shoot that we did um he's like stand on that side of the bed and I want you um he told me where to put my hands and what to do and at first it was kind of it was really weird it was very awkward but at first it was really scary. um but then when he said take your top off that was like the scary scary part and I remember feeling this isn't a good idea but this person traveled to meet me in this hotel I owe it to him to do the shoot so I I went through with it. I had certain um um boundaries what I would do and what I wouldn't do but then he shot me the next day and he talked me into doing more than what I wanted to do. so that happened after that shoot I got I was not right in my head I was just kind of like um what did I just do like then I saw the pictures and it was really strange cuz I never seen myself like that and I didn't like it and I'm like I'm not going to ever do that again. um but I up doing that again uh in between online dating and I would do these shoots. um I didn't do a lot but after maybe my third shoot with like maybe three different photographers I ended up meeting um this one photographer I was shooting with um they they were in LA and they booked me and I was shooting in the Mansion this huge house with a spiral staircase and it's Marble everywhere and they have a makeup person and hair person and all these things that um I had never seen before in my life and and they were going to pay me a lot of money. um and it wasn't going to be it wasn't going to be showing everything it just going to be like um Playboy sty so when I was shooting with them I ended up not sticking to my boundaries again um out of feeling of obligation they they pay they're paying me they flew me here I owe it to them I I think that's kind of like my attitude throughout my life was kind of like I owe them. um so the shoot was kind of exciting in a way until you had to start taking off clothes and then I would I I learned you know growing up being molested that you can mentally just check out so I would check out I would dissociate it was if I'm thinking of myself as being a piece of art and I'm looking down on myself to see how the camera is seeing me and to make eye contact with the camera like it was weird. um but I wasn't me I was somebody else and that's the only way I could do it. um but then you know I got paid but most of the time the money that was like secondary what I really wanted was acceptance and love and just to know that I mattered to somebody in some any kind of a way um and that's what being in the industry gave me. so I was shooting with these people um this man showed up that they knew and he was a um manager he managed different girls. um his girls were did the softer stuff that wasn't like hardcore porn and they were pretty and a lot of them only did like Playboy style things. and um and he wanted to represent me and I was kind of flattered because the girls he shot we're really pretty. um so so I ended up um working with him and I lost my job because I kept getting on the Internet and there were times where I couldn't show up to work because of I was either doing a photo shoot or I was depressed or I was a real mess. um so I end up losing my job and then I um started my own website and I was um dating a guy where we were living together cuz every guy that I dated we moved in together cuz I don't know I don't know why I just wanted to get married and have a baby so we um lived together U for about a year and um when he okay so this this person he had porn magazines and they were of women with breasts like huge like bigger than their head each it was weird it was well to me it was weird I don't know I um it was a fetish pretty much it wasn't just normal they were like I can't even I won't go into try not to go into it but um he had these magazines and I didn't look like that at all. so um yeah so it was kind of weird to me um I didn't like it even though I was doing my own website and shooting but this was going to be my husband like he shouldn't be looking at you know if he if he's flattered that I'm doing it like I didn't want him looking at other women. um I just couldn't give into that that was hard for me but we ended up um having a really bad fight and he start packing my stuff up in my car and I was like if you keep putting my stuff in my car I'm going to leave and I'm never going to come back. I was still living in Jacksonville um so he wouldn't stop packing out my car so I had to follow through so I got my car and I just started I just drove I didn't know I didn't have a map or I mean I had a paper map but I didn't have like a cell phone with a map on it tell me where I'm going so I just got on the road and started driving and then I realized oh I'm in Tampa I know somebody who lives there I know two people who Liv there and I was tired so I called one of them. I went and stayed at his house it was another um it was a guy who was like a model or whatever so I stayed with him I didn't really like him he got on my nerves. um so I called the photographer that lived out there that had shot me before and told him I was there um and I don't remember how exactly it went down but um I ended up moving in with him right away like I didn't have to stay by myself and I didn't ever want to be by myself that was too scary for me so move with him in with him. he was a Web Master he shot um his ex-wife she had her website um he had shot me and then he's took over my website um it took it to the next level and um yeah I was severely depressed in that relationship I really never really left my bedroom unless I need to eat. um and he was okay just letting me not do anything but he would shoot me and he would push my boundaries and he got me doing things I I you know going even further with things. um and it was a it was a weird relationship he was the same age as my mom and he was a lot older than me and um we never told each other that we loved each other but we were a couple it was very strange. but after about a year a year and a half of living with him um I ended up um well he broke up with me I wasn't shooting a lot of stuff except for for my website cuz that was my main income so because my website was was good and I made a lot of money that meant that I didn't have to shoot every week or two weeks or whatever I could just do what I wanted to do. um but it wasn't making a lot of money so um I wasn't always able to well I did pay my rent but there was um you know sometimes where it was really hard to pay my rent and one time I had to do a contest I I heard about it on the radio and it was like Hot Legs contest and if you knew me this is not something I would do it was really dumb and it was I I won but it was 500 bucks that was my rent and it was so gross it was so weird I don't even know what I did but so I got to pay my rent that time and I got back on the dating websites. and then I ended up meeting somebody that I didn't like well I met his friend I met a friend and um and then I met him I was supposed to date his friend but they he took me to introduced me to his friend and they ended up raping me. and um I went back to my ex-boyfriend told him what happened he's like do you think that he would want to shoot for my website like you shoot you two together and I was like did he just hear me like I'm crying I've been raped and I'm devastated and he's asking me that and M was just I felt so alone and unloved and I didn't have relationship with my family uh at all nothing so I was like I'm never going to hang out with those guys again and you know maybe 3 weeks went by and I'm by myself and I'm meeting guys they're coming to my apartment and I'm feeling obligated to be with them even if I didn't like them because they took the time I don't know it's just this weird thing that I had and I guess kind of being with somebody in any kind of way was better than being by myself. um cuz that was the worst thing to me I didn't have friends or anybody so.



**Interviewer**: um but you had a long string of boyfriends though?



**Crissy**: yes I have had lots of boyfriends or hookups or whatever. um all of it um you know I thought I I thought that in order to get a boyfriend you have to be this certain kind of girl and you have to definitely have sex with them or they're not going to move you in like you have to give something. um and the like the men what do they like they want you know feminine girl who's hot and sexy and Like a Porn girl and all these things so I was um I never felt like I was good enough like I always need to change something because this person is into this or you know sexually or looks wise or you know stuff like that and yeah so I would didn't want to see that you know I didn't want to see the guy I went on the date with I didn't want to see the guy that he introduced me to but there was one night in particular I was alone and I was sad and I was depressed and I was wanting to kill myself and they contacted me well the one that I went on the date with contacted me to hang out at some club and I was just like okay whatever like it's better than being by myself and I maybe you know this isn't they rape me but I've been raped before so who cares so um this is so weird to like even hear myself saying because I'm so different now than I was that I was was very sad. um so we hung out that night and I ended up hanging out with the friend the friend the guy's friend and um yeah so after that I moved in with him and the guy who raped me I moved in with him he took over my porn career. um he started getting make contracts with other people he started shooting photos of me and other people together he started like taking over my whole whole business and we were together for 3 and A2 years. um of the time I was in the industry and a lot of people didn't know that he was abusive he was physically abusive verbally abusive he was terrifying to me. um and I was very isolated so we ended up moving from Florida together to California and um it was a bad relationship there was drugs. um I tried almost every drug there is um thank God I didn't get addicted that's just like a miracle. um but he was definitely addicted to to everything in anything it didn't matter if it was sex or drugs or or you know other women he he he cheated on me but I didn't have proof it was one of those things where they make you feel crazy but I knew it in my heart but I can prove it. um he lived he lived a crazy lifestyle that was outside of our relationship he had a working relationship with somebody um who I don't know if I want to go and all that but they paid him for what he did with them um and it it was with men and um paid him a lot of money he got a new car he but he was never home. um his his roommate um I live with him and in our home and he would come home sometimes but most time he was out making his money. um and he had a manager too aside from this one person he had a regular talent manager and he had worked in the porn industry before I ever did but he was out of it and he was just doing his escorting stuff so and um I was so naive to think that he wasn't actually having sex and he's not actually going to shoot a movie I I really didn't have proof of these things until we broke up and then I saw all he was doing movies he was doing all kinds of stuff. um so 3 and 1 half years abuse um drugs all the bad things doing porn feeling empty feeling afraid to be by myself that it is better to be Abus and to be alone. um and at least I could just go in other room and do some drugs and and tune out everything and when he was high he was not he was actually kind of nice or funny but when he wasn't oh my gosh he was scary he was huge guy with big big muscles and you know he could easily take me down and he did and he would say that he was always going to put me six feet under that was like his phrase that he he would use for me. and okay so I never thought I would be in relationship with somebody that was so much like my dad and I said that would never happen but I feel like my life had broke me down so much all these things that I had zero selfworth and and there was a part of me that wanted him to kill me and that's oh that's terrible to say but it's true. um yeah so we broke up and then um I went back to online dating I don't know what my problem was I didn't learn I never learned. um and then I ended up meeting a really nice guy so my last year being in the porn industry I met this guy um and he was nice he was had a son so it's like I would be an instant mom I didn't have to have I didn't have to birth a child I would be a mom and a wife. um and he was he's not into the porn industry or anything he was a a mainstream actor um um so during this time like we spent 247 together all the time every day all day we we had our routine we would go on hike then we would eat breakfast then we we would go home and you know everything was every day we didn't really spend any time apart. um and we were together for a year and a half so at the end of our relationship he went on a little trip um and he was being filmed cuz he was an actor he was being filmed for a mainstream show not a porn thing. um and and um before he left I felt really insecure and I said cuz I didn't he wasn't taking me and I said please not go to any strip clubs and I I don't know I just felt like if he's going to get away from me he's going to do something bad so I said that to him he's like oh I wouldn't do that so um after he got out there he called me one one night really really really late and it was like after 2: a.m. and I asked him where he was he was slurring he was drunk and he said um oh I'm met PF Chings I'm like it's too late to be at PF CHS like that's not where you're at I hear music and he he you know was drunk so he tried to convince me and then um I didn't get he swore to me that he wasn't at a strip club. um and I knew I just knew it I just knew it that day that night I could I could barely sleep sleep. um the next day he called me and and um I got him to admit that that's where he went and that's where he did he went to the strip club and I was devastated I I was like I thought this guy he's the nice guy he wasn't abusing me but he went to a strip club he had time on his own and that's what he did and I was at the peak of my porn career if you want to call it that I was making a lot of money a lot of money I I was just at the top and I still wasn't enough and that's what it was really hard for me to grasp is that at this point I would everything on me was fake I had hair extensions which there's nothing wrong with that but that that that was part of my identity I had to have the hair I had to have the nails I had to have the tan I had to have all these things these were who I was that was my identity everything was wrapped around people wanting to pay me to do stuff or to like to pay me to shoot for their magazine or this or that and that was giving me my worth. and or that people desired me or that I had fans that would email me and say that somehow I make their life more complete like all these things were my identity and so and and I worked so hard to be in shape like all of these things and then my boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry who was the good guy went to a strip club. it sounds so silly because I'm doing porn but my expectations were different and I felt like I knew that the man that I was going to marry was not going to do that he's not even going to be tempted to do that he's going to be focused on me and only me and I'm going to be you know I don't know I'm going to be loved so him going to the club I knew that he didn't really love me he admitted that he lied to me and I was devastated I hung up the phone and I cried. I I like sat on the floor in my kitchen I'm like God like if you're real because I grew up believing in God but where was he if you're real I need to know it and I need a sign. like I've lost all hope everything I know about love is twisted and perverted and I don't even know if I believe in it anymore you know so I was like God just please give me a sign Give Me A Sign. and so so the next day um that night I made a list of pros and cons cuz I'm like I'm not thinking clearly and I never really did that before so I'm like why should I stay and why should I leave made this list the leave list was a lot longer and that would gave me some clarity I flew out to where he was filming um to be with him and when I got there I didn't love him anymore it was like those feelings were gone I didn't even like him anymore. and um so anyway I went out there and um he was introducing me to people that were um working on the film or that were in the movie and I met this guy named this guy I met this guy and um he he was really I mean everybody on set was nice but um when my boyfriend was shooting he got me um to have a conversation with him and he asked me what I did for a living and I said oh I'm a model. like what kind of modeling do you do I'm like you know like the the car magazines like the model you know that's what I do and um he he didn't believe me he kept asking me more questions to get me to admit it and so finally I was just like I do adult stuff like porn he was like yeah I um I already knew that your boyfriend is here he's been showing people your photos and and um you know in our personal life we didn't have a lot of friends but we didn't go around saying introducing me or talking about me doing porn. um so I felt really uncomfortable that everybody I just talked to knew they know what I look like that way and um I felt really exposed like really exposed. um but then he said he asked me he like um let me ask you something Christy do you believe in God and I was like okay I asked God for a sign nobody has talked to me about God in a really really long time so I knew that God was sending him as a sign. and I said yes I do and he said well um you don't have to you know you don't have to live this kind of Lifestyle you can be free you can break free and have a new life and you know do you believe that and I'm like I don't know I don't know what I believe you know but there was this hope because God sent me a sign and so he he was like um you know do you want to go outside and pray with me and so I prayed and at that time I um made a decision that I was never going to go back to that boyfriend and then I was going to leave and I was going to quit the industry. it only took that one person who was Brave um and I say he's brave because everybody that found out about it on the set were trying to jump him throughout the rest of the film he was very bold and brave and he he I don't know he reached out to me and that's all it took and and um they thought I was going to leave my boyfriend for him but that wasn't that was not what was happening. so that day that night my boyfriend you know he was working he came into our hotel and he's like so um you know we're going to we're getting ready for bed I'm like I can't sleep with you and he's like why and I'm like because I just like made a decision to change my life I can't be in bed with you and he laughed and he was like you know like if you're reallying porn how are you going to make a living like how are you going to pay your rent I'm like I don't know I don't know but I know that God sent me a sign that he's going to take care of me. so moved back home um he was still working on the film moved all my stuff out before he even got there my friend Chris introduced me people in La that um helped me move my stuff and these guys were like total gentlemen um so nice and so kind I moved into my own apartment I was gone before he ever came home and I never saw him again. um and then the life change now I'm not taking any money from porn they're still making money off me indefinitely for all the model releases that I signed I have no control over any of it even my website. so I told the people who were running my website cuz that was my main income that um that I'm I'm leaving well I told my fans first I was leaving and then they found out from my from me exposing it to the fans that I was leaving and um talked to my web master and he said Chrissy um if you told me if you would have told me that you leaving the industry for to have a family I may have let you out of your contract but I'm not going to do that but um um for a fantasy like God and I was just like oh my gosh like how I don't know I couldn't understand it like cuz for me my faith was a um for me my faith was um strong and and it like from my childhood to that point it connected and I felt that God loved me and I couldn't understand I couldn't understand it. um so anyway so I said he's like where are you missing your check I'm like I don't want the check so from that point on I never got another check from my website which was my main income. I went from making at least $115,000 a month to making um nothing and and I didn't know what was going to happen and a lot of times people were like what are you going to do um you know have something in place for when you do leave I didn't have anything and I knew I knew that it was okay and I knew I I felt like God would told me that um that he was going to take care of me and to give everything up this is what he told me it might not be the same for everybody he told me to give everything up and take a stand and be bold and let me show you how much I love you and how I'm going to take care of you. and so through that process of losing everything gaining weight like all these things my I couldn't pay for my hair or my tan or my nails um and my whole identity was stripped and now I'm me me with short hair and I don't now just not who not the fantasy anymore and I had to figure out who I really was without all of those things and I didn't know it was scary. I had anxiety I had depression I had PTSD I was not well but I had hope and like it's crazy all of the unknowns um God was showing me like I didn't have my rent he would put somebody in my life randomly like I'm going to pay your rent I didn't have you know food people would give me food and I wasn't profiting at all I was barely getting by but each little thing was like was like God's giving me a hug you know I was like I'm going to take care of you I'm going to take care of you this is and I knew that it was all him I knew it because it was almost miraculous like how things happened and yeah so from just that moment of that guy talking to me everything changed.



**Interviewer**: and um how many years ago was that?



**Crissy**: um let's see that happened in 2006 okay so it's been a long time what like 13 years so it's been a really long time and so much has happened from that moment until now and um now I I've been married for 6 years I found my husband who has not even looked at my porn and is not interested. um he has proved to me that I could trust him because he was um he had his own story he was um you know alone for 10 years without dating or being with a woman and so I'm like this is the kind of guy I can trust and I still trust him and we have a very good relationship very good marriage. um I'm my PTSD was really bad before we got married at some point it disappeared I don't even know how I don't get jealous I'm not insecure um just everything is different it's just different and and I just knew I just I knew from the moment we start talking that he was going to be my husband just cuz he treated me so different than anybody ever had with respect he wouldn't um when we met we met kind of online um not like a dating website we have a mutual like real life friend and um when we met in person he was still um what's the word uh walking the straight and narrow like I would um try I would like you know try to like link my arm through through his just like as we're walking through this little garden he would be like chrisy stop touching me you can't do that we're just friends and then my my feelings we get hurt and I would be like but that's just showing me he's going to be my husband. cuz God told me that the guy who's going to marry me um he's going to have a cool ass name that he's going to not um be tempted I mean he'll be tempted he's not going to follow through and um all these things that God told me that ended up happening and so we um we were friends for a whole year I went on a a um fast from men um I wasn't dating or hanging out with men for a year. um but I talked to him on the phone he was the only one.



**Interviewer**: so you were you were living in LA and he was where?



**Crissy**: he was in Houston in Houston mhm. but the whole year before we met um I was on a fast I stopped talk I had lots of guy friends um lots that I wasn't trying to date um because it's like um Christian the young adult Christian Community hang out in groups and stuff like that and so I met a lot of friends. um but I stopped hanging out with any of them even if there was no romantic romantic thing and um just started like really focusing on my relationship with God and um and and then that's you know when I start talking to him on the phone I decide to go my fast. um but God told me that he could stay you know in my life because he's in Houston and he's doing Bible studies with me over the phone so he's bringing me closer to God he's not you know pulling me away so um yeah so yeah a whole year went by then we met in person um in December and then um he wasn't interested in dating me he wasn't the whole time he um knew that I wasn't datable but so I happened I had a um speaking engagement planned in Houston on Valentine's Day. um so we met in December I didn't even know about the the thing and I got a email and I planned it a year ahead of time and they were like so you know here's your information for for for the shoot on Valentine's Day I'm like okay um and then I realized it was in Houston on Valentine's Day and it was like this is so funny I my future husband is there so that day um he came to my speaking engagement and um it was at a college and I had my little sticker like says something about waiting waiting um to have sex to married had it on my shirt we went to his house and then he asked me to be his Valentine. um after that my speak engagement and yeah that's from there we just dated a little bit and then we got married that's great and I moved to Houston to be with him and his family and his family is amazing they really are amazing.



**Interviewer**: so what what do you think helped ground you?



**Crissy**: I mean it was it was just the realization that helped ground me I think it was my faith and I think that my relationship with my husband proved to me that I could trust men because he was so rigid you had such a string of terrible relationships but he was so rigid and he if I would send him a picture of me being sexy he would get mad at me like he he was so opposite of everybody else. um and and I kind of knew in my heart like that's the kind of guy I'm going to marry and it just that's how I worked out I end up being with the guy that I could trust yeah because of his rigidness but I also think you were ready for something more substantial than. yeah I I was learning about um I was learning about how relationships really work how they they're supposed to work cuz everything I knew growing up.



**Interviewer**: so you met him at roughly what age?



**Crissy**: I was how old was I 35 or 36. yeah so you were mature yeah a little little more mature than you were when you were in your 20s and yeah desperate for some connection yeah I was a lot I was a lot more mature and I've been you know taking like um little classes and I started going to church a lot and learning like the model of marriage and how it works together and you know men want respect women want love just the model of a relationship that's healthy and all that all that kind of stuff so I learned a lot and thank you know thankfully he had been out of his own pattern of life um for 10 years he had been working on himself so by the time I met him he was in a place that he could um kind of lead me and Lead me spiritually and um grow together you know as Christians Believers together and I trusted him and I never trust anybody in my whole life and I trust him and that was that's kind of what grounded me. yeah it's just have like finally not having to be somebody else and being seen for who I was and being accepted and loved for it that was you that was the healing that healed me the PTSD went away so never thought that would happen it was so bad but yeah I think marriage healed me I think marriage gave me a lot of freedom too I didn't have to you know always wear a mask I didn't have to always have my makeup on.



**Interviewer**: but marriage to the right person too.



**Crissy**: yes to the right cuz you could you probably could have been married five times I could have been married like times but and they all would have ended up yeah in train R yeah I mean I'm really glad that I I didn't get married sooner cuz it wouldn't have been it would have been terrible I probably would have had so many husbands or if you had kids with those husbands it would have been yes terrible. so yeah and my um abusive ex-boyfriend he he got me pregnant all the time and then he would take me to get an abortion I could have had several kids and that's makes me really sad I don't like to think about it.



**Interviewer**: what would you say to young women who are you know going through similar not necessarily so extreme you know who are not so extremely off B off off course but just who are struggling with relationships struggling with the similar things what would you what would you say to them?



**Crissy**: I mean just I would say um I would just wanted to to tell them that they are worthy of love that they matter that um just to hold on wait work on yourself don't lose hope and that you know one day the right person's going to come along but you have to be the person so you have to work on yourself so you have to be the person that would attract the kind of man that you want. like what is this you know what you want what kind of woman is he going to be attracted to and that's what I had to do that's why I had to really focus on growing and being you know a good you know not a good person but just work on myself.



**Interviewer**: well I think you were before that point you were you were attracting guys left and right mhm but they were the wrong kind of guys.



**Crissy**: and I knew that like I want to be with a guy who is a leader that can lead our relationship not that he's like you know over me it's more like we work together but he's stable. yeah but I think a lot of women can attract a lot of guys if they get if they look a certain way if they act a certain way if they behave a certain way but you're you're you're attracting the wrong kind of guy yeah yeah and my standards for men were very low. yeah right so I think part of it is having having having high standards knowing the difference between guys that are worthless and guys that are worthwhile. mhm and being patient and working on yourself yeah to get there.



**Crissy**: work on yourself be the woman that's going to attract the kind of guy that you want and it's not easy like no having having high standards is is is a tall order sometimes. mhm yeah.



**Interviewer**: so excellent thank you for sharing your story.



**Crissy**: you're welcome I'm glad it worked out so beautifully thanks great job thank you thank you Chris.